Songwriting Habit - Coping with the Fear of Rejection!

Sometimes all our doubts and insecurities about our songs start to make great noises in our head. It usually starts when we start to put our songs forward and the fear of rejection stops us from moving forward.  We put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect all the time. Being able to accept that our thoughts, feelings and ideas ARE what make our songs, must be one of the hardest things a songwriter has to face. 

Our worries, fears, hurts and struggles are what connect us with each other. A great way to share these emotions is through song. If we think of the songs that we like the best, it's usually because the songwriter has expressed something that resonates with us. So instead of fighting our insecurities, how about we embrace them instead and let go of the need to be perfect.

Here are some small steps to help overcome your fear of rejection.

1. Accept that you will always have critics.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. You don't have to believe that what others say is true. Why does the opinion of others matter so much?  When we start to feel ok about ourselves and that it's allright for our work not to be perfect, what others think won't truly matter.

2. Choose topics that you are comfortable with.

If you are not comfortable with sharing your emotions how about you write about some place or thing. For example, I have recently written a song called Aurora. It was written about the Northern Lights in Sweden and Scandinavia. It talks about the bright lights and colours of the Aurora. There is really nothing personal in that song at all and that makes it easier to share with others.

3. Write in third person.

Instead of using words like 'I feel', you can change them to 'she feels' or 'they felt'. Putting some distance between you and your emotions can sometimes help.

4. Write someone else's story.

How about you write about some one else. The song Something by George Harrison, from the Beatles, was written for his wife at the time. Killing Me Softly, by Lori Lieberman, is another.

5. When you're finished, record it and put it out there.

Stop focussing on any imperfections. Remember writing  a song is like creating a life. It grows and takes on a life on its own. At some stage then, you have to let it go. Accept it will have imperfections and that's ok.

6. Then write another song and another...

This is really important, because what we all do when we put our song out there is we wait. When we hear no response we start criticising ourselves and start tearing the song to shreds because we feel rejected. Just keep writing, keep composing and....

7.  Focus on the process and not the outcome.

Over time you will get used to putting your songs out there. You will start to choose to ignore rejection. Believe me, your work will resonate with someone, but that someone has to start with you.

No one is perfect and when we stop pretending that we are, we can learn to really show ourselves and our songs.  Over time it then becomes about doing what we really enjoy doing, writing songs. Being able to share that enjoyment is what makes it really exciting and any rejection becomes a minor bump in the road.